The One Where a Toddler is More Badass than Me
I have literally just read a story about a two year old boy in India biting a cobra to death. I can’t believe that a toddler has a more interesting life than I do. It’s, frankly, insulting.
But at least I’ve never ingested cobra venom. So that’s something.
In fact, there are quite a few things that I’ve never done, so in today’s post I’m going to play Never Have I Ever! (great segue)
Questions curtesy of this Cosmopolitan article.
me spilling the tea on myself for some reason…
Never have I ever got a tattoo
Nope, I don’t have any tattoos. I feel like a tat would need to be something really meaningful to get it permanently inked on my body.
Never have I ever had a speeding ticket
I mean, I’ve hardly driven since passing my test, so no.
Never have I ever lied to get out of going to work
I’m an actor. Sometimes you have to do what you’ve got to do to attend an audition.
Never have I ever given a fake name
I don’t think so…? I honestly can’t remember. But definitely not in a Don Draper, Mad Men way.
Never have I ever been sick on public transport
‘Sick’ as in vomit, no. ‘Sick’ as in feeling ill, probably.
Never have I ever lied to someone in this room
This is awkward because my boyfriend’s in the room… I don’t think so. I may have lied by omission in the past though, when we were first getting together.
Never have I ever shoplifted
No. Some friends did pull me out of a shop when I had some merchandise in my hand and I felt so guilty that I had to get the friend to take it back for me.
Never have I ever been refused entry to a club
Does being refused re-entry into a club count?
Never have I ever noticed someone in this room is phoning me, and ignored it
Yeah I’ve done that. Poor mental health makes you an arsehole sometimes.
Never have I ever broken a bone
No I’ve never broken a bone (that I know of - pretty sure I’ve broken a toe at some point). I did burn my finger on a tripod in year 7 though. I didn’t tell the teacher because I didn’t want to get into trouble and then I broke down crying on the stairwell. A year 10 took me to reception and Ms. Van Tonder ran my hand under the cold tap and called my mum to take me to the hospital. I got marked down in Chemistry that year, which was a little unfair in hindsight. Sorry, what was the question?
Never have I ever stolen anything
No. But also, isn’t that basically the same question as shoplifting? Or are we talking about pirated DVDs here? Now I’ve having flashbacks to those VHS anti-piracy ads. Anyone else hearing the music in their heads?
Never have I ever dined and dashed
Yeah no, I’m way to scared of consequences for that. But as a teenager a friend of mine did suggest it once.
Never have I ever spent more than £200 on a night out
Who has £200 to spend on a night out?!
Never have I ever pulled an all-nighter
Does doing a full-length musical in 24 hours count as an all-nighter? Because if so, yes.
Never have I ever cheated on a test or exam
No. I’ve never needed to. #humblebrag
Never have I ever hitchhiked a ride
Nope. I’ve seen True Crime documentaries. That’s how you get murdered.
Never have I ever snuck into a concert or music festival
No. My life is so boring! Also, I feel events like these are way harder to sneak into than back in the day. Didn’t people used to climb the fence at Glastonbury and now it’s way too tall?
Never have I ever lied to my boss
I’ve definitely lied by omission to my boss. But also in my experience bosses are often dishonest to employees. Plus there’s an inherent power imbalance. So, whilst I don’t think you should lie to your bosses face, I don’t think you necessarily own your boss complete honesty in all matters 100% of the time.
Never have I ever edited my selfies
Ok, define edit. Photoshop, no. Filters etc, yes. But I also post unedited pictures, if I post pictures of myself at all.
Never have I ever returned something after I'd already worn it
No. I believe in this radical thing called “wearing the clothes you already own”.
Never have I ever skipped class
I skipped one movement class at RAM the day after the casting for final shows came out and I was really depressed. The I went to my rep. session, cried at my teacher, Sam, and he made me sing “Come Out Of The Dumpster” from The Wedding Singer. Sam’s a great teacher.
Never have I ever been travelling solo
Okay, on tour yes by default. On holiday, no but I’d like to try it.
Never have I ever pretended I was someone I'm not
No. I tried it when I was 15 and it didn’t work for me.
Never have I ever not paid a train fare
No. But I have bought a cheaper fare than I was entitled to before
Never have I ever pretended I was ill as an excuse
Again, hasn’t everyone? Especially if you’re an actor you definitely have.