Why I Couldn't Get To Sleep Tonight
So, it's now 1:23am GMT.
For the past 20 minutes I have been sitting with my laptop open (as I have on several occasions this month) thinking of what I could type and send to you all on the interwebs. Preferably something that will make you go "Gosh! That Michaela is really quite interesting!"
But I have a confession to make:
I have no idea what to write about.
I was going to write a post about apathy and lack of motivation, inspired by this blog post by Alun Parry that I read 13 days ago. I was going to write a post, inspired by Amanda Palmer's TED Talk, about asking for things, linking it to how I've found asking people to donate to my Magical Drama School Fund of Joy (yes, that is what it's called at 1:30 in the morning!) really awkward to do.
I basically hold my breath, share the link and shut the Facebook/Twitter/Hootsuite tab on my internet browser before I have time to think about what I've done. True story.
These posts may eventually happen (more than likely; they are currently drafts on the admin post page or whatever it's called), but not right now. Right now, I'm going to say why I'm awake at 1:38am while everyone else in this block of flats (including my flatmate) is asleep:
I have an audition on Sunday and at the moment I do not feel ready for it.
I'm worried about earning enough money to make it to September.
I keep going over everything I have to do this week and beyond in my head.
I'm worried about where I'm going to live next year.
At the moment I'm quite hungry and want some Crunchy Nut Cornflakes
But I'm not up worrying about my problems.
If I were to go to bed right now, I would lie awake worrying about everything that I haven't figured out yet, stressing about things I can't change and getting myself into a state.
Instead I've stayed up to work on my audition pieces, I've update the Private Lessons page on my website, designed and ordered some new business cards and now I'm writing this long overdue blog post.
And I feel like everything's going to be ok.
Action empowers us. We human-folk are pretty powerful things when we put our minds to it. But if you lie down and take whatever shit the universe throws at you and don't fight back, it's easy to forget how powerful you are.
And we've all been there.
When you feel like all your chips are down, even the smallest of steps you can take to move forward, sending that email, writing that 'To-Do' list, planning that presentation, can make a world of difference.
Even at 2:01 in the morning.
So I'm going to get a bowl of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. Nighty-night.