• michaelabennison

Reflections on a Busy Day

It's been a while since I've posted here on my blog. Four months, in fact. Looking back over that time, it feels hard to quantify what I've been up to: some script workshops, finishing my DYCP project (a topic for a future blog - stay tuned!), starting a new job, working, writing, auditioning...

That's the life of an actor; an endless cycle of survival work punctuated by castings and all of the stress and anxiety they inevitably entail.

My day today felt like a fractal piece of that life. Here's what happened:

I get a call from my agent at 10am for a zoom audition this same morning for a job which, if I were successful (spoiler alert - at the time of writing, pretty sure I wasn't) would have me flying to Europe tonight.

Then, whilst prepping for this audition, I get a second call from my agent at 11am with a recall audition for a musical tour - I put a pin in it to worry about later.

11:40am: zoom audition: short, sweet and to the point. 12 noon: check email for musical audition info. Cue downloading sheet music, scrambling for backing tracks and thanking the lord that I can sight-read.

And then, after all that, I force myself to do 5 hours of copy reviewing to a) keep my mind focused on the present and b) get my rent paid.

The thing is, whilst I was moving my way from one moment to the next possessed by the almost outer-body focus that only audition notifications can induce, there was one thought that I kept holding on to in my mind:

Things are happening for me.

I may not have booked this morning's audition (meaning I have time to write this - yay!), and I may not book the musical. But all this activity is a reassuring sign that my hard work is paying off. I'm getting seen. I'm getting recalled.

In the weeks and months of working and grinding in between jobs it can be so easy to feel like what you're doing, and what you've already done, is in vain. It can feel like you've done nothing with your time. That the small, daily victories - that class you attended or that email you wrote - are inconsequential. But that's not true.

I've been out of work for over four months, but I haven't wasted my time. I'm grateful for my luck, and that my work is being noticed.

I'm grateful for stressful audition days and having material to learn and not knowing if I'm getting on a plane in 8 hours.

I'm grateful that I'm still in this industry.

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