My Curly Girl Method Journey: How I Learnt to Accept my Normal Hair Days
This evening, the first thing I did after putting my bike in the garage was get in the shower. And after putting on my pjs, making a mug of hot chocolate and settling down on the sofa to write today’s blog post, I realised I hadn’t performed the one ablution I’d gotten into the shower for.
I forgot to wash my hair.
I love my hair. I’ve never been one of those curly girls who straightened their hair religiously. I was luck to grow up in an environment where people complimented it all the time. Did people also touch it without asking? Of course they did. But, when my hair has been healthy, I’ve never felt ashamed or self-conscious of my hair.
However…
If you have curly hair, you know it’s not easy to manage. Your can’t just brush out the tangles in the morning and walk out the door. It never looks the same two days in a row. If you want it to look ‘half-decent’ you have to style it with a bunch of different products. Every time someone said, “I wish I had your hair!” my response was always, “no, you don’t.”
And that was before I’d discovered the Curly Girl Method.
The Curly Girl Method came into my life in 2020. My mids and ends had become noticeably thin from years of mechanical damage I didn’t even know I’d inflicted on my precious locks. So at the beginning of the year, I decided to learn how to look after my hair properly.
Before we go any further, here’s a rundown of The Curly Girl Method for the uninitiated:
No heat styling - air dry or cold blow-drying with a diffuser only
Co-washing (conditioner-washing) or using no-poo/low-poo cleansing products - basically, no traditional shampoo
No products with sulfates, silicones, waxes, or mineral oils
Detangle in the shower with conditioner - this is something I’d actually been doing since my teens
Using curl creams and gel styling products to define curls
Using an old cotton t-shirt or microfibre towel to dry your hair
The point of the method is to increase curly hair health, minimise frizz and maximise curl definition.
This was my first and only experiment with a bantu knot out - it was fiddly!
As you may have noticed, my hair journey coincided with the start of the pandemic. Suddenly everyone was at home with no where to go and discovering their natural hair texture. And the influencers were happy to oblige. There were videos sharing routines for every texture, tutorials on how to find your curl type and enough product reviews to keep Boots in the black for the next decade. I was stressing about my hair porosity, trying new products every week, willing my hair to get better.
The low point came when I used a protein mask on my hair. Cue protein overload and half of my hair breaking off. But it lead to me getting a bob-cut and loving it, so I guess that was a blessing in disguise. Eventually I found my rhythm. My hair was healthy, my curls were popping, all was right in the world.
Post-big chop with near-naked hair!
And then I noticed something.
I realised my hair was becoming more of a priority than it had ever been before. I would get annoyed if J touched my hair when I’d just washed it. I’d get annoyed if I had to go out in bad weather. I’d constantly scrutinise my hair comparing it to people online whose job it was to have perfect hair.
Whilst I’ve always been proud of my hair, I’ve never been vain. I would always let may hair do it’s thing and get on with life. Now I was making my life fit around my hair. It wasn’t me and it was making me stressed. So I took a leaf out of my performing book. Just as you trust your preparation for a role and in the moment just be, so I trusted in what I’d learnt about hair-care and let myself live.
Now I know how to make my hair look good, I allow my hair to blow in the wind when I want to. I’m happy to have my hair in a bun for a week if I want an easy wash-day. I let myself wash my hair more frequently instead of hanging on because I should only wash once a week. I work with what my hair and my life needs.
I also gained a clearer perspective on how consumerist the ‘CGM Industrial Complex’ is. The amount of product and brushes and combs I have is ridiculous frankly. Of course with any cosmetics, it takes some trial and error to find what works for you. At the same time, unless your having an allergic reaction, the differences between products are literally superficial.
Then there are the unrealistic standards for what curly hair should look like. Watching video after video of influencers with perfect ringlets skews your perception of a normal hair day. My perfectionist tendencies have enough hang-ups already, thank you very much.
Past me wouldn’t have written this post today. Past me would have marched back upstairs, washed and styled my hair, blow-dried it and then panic wrote something at, probably, 11:45pm. Now I’m fine with washing my hair in the morning. And if it’s still damp on my zoom call, so be it. Will I even style it? I’ll see how I feel, honestly. Because life doesn’t always require perfect hair. Sometimes it requires getting shit done, or lying on grass, or standing in the rain.
So what’s my advice for anyone starting their curly hair journey?
Firstly, I’d say prioritise your hair and scalp health. The Curly Girl Method can be a suitable starting point, especially if your hair is heat or chemically damaged. But long-term co-washing can cause scalp issues and hair loss. Detangling in the shower without suitable tools can cause breakage. How long you need between washes depends on your lifestyle and scalp health.
Secondly, find information from reliable haircare sources. Manes by Mell is the only Curly Youtuber I trust, because she is a hairstylist as well as having curly hair herself. There are other hairstylist in the curly community if you want a deferent vibe, but I’d highly recommend Mell - she has great information that helps you work out what’s best for your hair.
Lastly, go into your journey with the goal of finding the right routine for your life. A lot of the information online is geared towards achieving perfect curls. And that’s useful for when you want perfect curls. But depending on how high or low maintenance you are, it’s not necessarily realistic for every wash day. There’s also a lot of consumerism; most influencers make their money through sponsorships and affiliate links. That’s not inherently bad, but again, buying £50 bottles of sulphate-free salon-brand shampoo may not suit your lifestyle. And that’s ok. You can still care for your hair with budget products. You don’t need perfect curls on day 5 hair to be beautiful or valid.
Are you a Curly Girl or Guy? Not sure if there’s an Enby equivalent beginning with G - if you have suggestions leave them bellow! And let me know if you’ve tried the Curly Girl Method, and how you found it.